Romanticize Homemaking

The word Homemaking is an active word. Homemaking does not equal chores. Homemaking is an ongoing process (not an outcome). A homemaker's primary goal is to create, manage and maintain a home that is pleasant and safe and comfortable.

Thomas Moore once said, “Few things are more important than finding a home and working at it constantly to make it resonate with deep memories and fulfill deep longings"

Chores can't always be made out to be romantic. Pulling out hair from the drain, unclogging toilets, scrubbing stains - these items are not singularly romantic.

When connected to the overall purpose of your life and home, chores become essential tasks for a greater result. My husband often does not recognize the small things I do for our home. That used to irk me. Now, I don't need his validation. I don't need anyone else's validation.

I appreciate the work I do to make my home what I want it to be. It fills me with joy to create a functional and clean space for my family, and for myself.

Nurture Yourself First

I've often thought the word self-care isn't quite right. Self-nurture is better. We all know what a well nurtured person looks like: they're fed and watered, they're dressed and clean(ish), they're loved. As a homemaker, it's important to remember to nurture yourself before and throughout your daily tasks. For me, it means changing the dialogue in my head that says "I have to finish before ___", "it's a waste of time if I ___" and "I can't rest until ___".

No my inner-dialogue is nicer, healthier.

It tells me yes, make a yummy snack just for you, before cooking dinner. Yes, sit down with a book and drink some water before finishing. Yes, the laundry can wait another night, go to bed with your partner.

Question: Is this process slower?

Answer: Yes! Getting through all my tasks is slower when I assess and care for my own needs. But it is the necessary step we were NOT taught. Slow down and taking slight self assessments brings attention to breathing, nutrition and water intake, and emotional needs. This in turn will lower cortisol (stress), and enable you to be productive longer without crashing.

Activate the 5 Senses

Cleaning out the fridge, meal prepping, laundry - it doesn't have to be stale and rushed every time. When I know I will be in a room for a longer period of time, I often use this exercise to improve my mood and experience. I call it Activating the 5 Senses: Taste, Touch, Sight, Smell, & Sound. If the activity allows it, I try to activate as many of these as I can. It changes the whole vibe!

Activate Taste. Before or during, eat something. If your body is hungry, eat protein - it'll fill you faster and for longer. Ice water is always a good option, as is herbal tea late at night. Even if you don't want to, make sure it's right beside you in case you do need it amid your activity.

Activate Touch. Often the activities we're doing stimulate our sense of touch already. So I often try to make myself as comfortable as possible with my clothing so I'm not overstimulated. I hate it when my tummy gets wet at the sink, so I always wear an apron when doing dishes or cleaning bathrooms. And can't stand little particles of dirt on my feet, so I wear house slippers or socks.

Activate Sight. For me, this is more of reminding me to look up from my work once and a while. I have the most beautiful backdrop of blackberry bushes right outside my kitchen window, where birds and bees and rabbits like to roam. But I can go a whole day without looking up, if I'm not careful.

Activate Smell: Light your favorite candle, incense or diffuser before cleaning so that you're basking in good smells, even amid the dirty socks and dirtier toilets. If that's too much, maybe open a window and let the natural air inside.

Activate Sound: What sounds help you relax and reflect? Is it music? Books or podcasts? Silence? Brown noise? Make sure it's accessible where you're cleaning.

How many of these can you activate today while doing your chores. Did it make a difference? I'd love to know what helped and what didn't!

Don't Be Toxic

When I switched from toxic chemicals to natural herbal and vinegar based cleaning products, my body and mind responded. When you're spending so much time breathing in and touching chemicals, it affects your skin, your sleep, your mood and overall well being. There are one or two cleaners I haven't let go of, but 95% of what I use on a daily basis is non-toxic!

The most basic cleaner you can make is 1 pt vinegar: 1 part water, with a squirt of dish soap!

Cure Your Mental Fatigue

The best way I've found to cure your mental load fatigue is by writing everything down. All of it. Everything that you're thinking and feeling and wanting. As soon as it comes into your brain, take out a pen and write it down.

This technique works because it's a way to metabolize or process the emotions associated with out thoughts and feelings. It gives us a record, so we don't have to spend so much energy remembering!

Some people use physical planners and diaries to do this. Others use notes apps. I use my kindle scribe for all my to-do lists and it's been a game-changer for me!

First start by writing EVERYTHING down! All of it!

Then, make a to-do list. You'll rewrite your list, but this time organize it into categories. Mine are often: Work, Appointments, Inside Chores, Outside Chores, Reminders, Shopping. More things might come to you as you divide up your list.

When you're completely done, and you have a massive to do list, go through and star the items that are most urgent.

Done! This may have taken 30 minutes, but now all of that information isn't swirling around in your brain. You can afford to forget it for a few minutes at a time, as you complete the most important tasks first.

Gratitude: A Meditation

Homemaking for me is an expression of my feminine nature, but not for the reasons you'd think. Cleaning and cooking is not feminine, by nature, and can be displayed by masculine types as well. Rather, I use my home as an outlet for beauty, adding soft and gentle undertones. I create a functional, nurturing, healing spaces for me and others. This purpose tickles my feminine nature and fills me with purpose.

If you're mind goes dark & resentful when doing chores - that's normal! It just your overworked, overtired brain letting off steam. But, if negativity becomes a thought pattern for your life, it will impact your mood and relationships.

Romanticizing homemaking takes self awareness and work at first, but the more you practice this meditation, the easier it becomes until it's almost second nature!

The easiest way I have found to shift my mindset from dark to light is gratitude. Recognizing what I have learned and earned and what I have been given.

This meditation practice can be done while you fold towels, or scrub dishes.

Start with what you can feel in your hands. Items you carry and care for. The hands and arms that carry the burden.

Practice curiosity and wonder.

Show gratitude for the items that help nurture your body - plates and forks. The towels and blankets that provide you warmth and comfort. The warm water that runs from the sink and the shower. Your incredibly powerful hands.

Like any meditation, your mind will wander. You may go back to dark places. This happens to everyone! Don't get frustrated.

Take a breath, and return your thoughts to gratitude.

I am a homemaker, and it is a title I take pride in.

It is also a weighted and emotional title to carry!

Homemaking can feel overwhelming and overstimulating. Occasionally, it elicits feelings of resentment and isolation, especially when we're assigned by others to complete chores because of our gender. It can also be a sacred and personal expression of faith, love and purpose. For me recently, the homemaker part of my identity felt romantic - or filled with love, idealism - and an outlet for creativity.

There have been many late nights this season. Staying up late into the night to catch up on dishes or laundry. Going to bed with wilted fingers from cleaning. Or waking up to piles of linens to fold and hang. While I am no expert on the elements of homemaking such as cleaning and laundry, I believe there are a few things I do well, to cultivate and romanticize my life.

Please let me know what works for you!

xo, Brooklyn